Jessica Belmosto

It probably sounds ridiculous that I, a grown woman at the age of 27, feel bad about my dad not being able to go to a concert with me. It’s not like I couldn’t get him a ticket or he couldn’t take time off. He’s just… dead.

For those of you that don’t know, my dad and I developed a very special bond through Taylor Swift’s music. He took me to see her when she opened for Brad Paisley back in 2007 and we went to every single tour all the way through the Reputation era when we actually got the chance to meet her.

I went through significant trauma growing up. It was enough to break an 11-year-old and lead me to my dad’s full-time for quite some time. I will leave it at that.

My dad was my only friend. At that age, I should’ve been going to birthday parties or learning how to put on mascara. Instead, I was learning how to hide bruises and crying myself to sleep. It was a lonely time.

At the time there were only 2 full length Taylor Swift albums out. They became what we listened to when I got ready for school or on our drives to softball practice. He always knew when I needed cheering up and somehow the You Belong With Me music video was always that.

I’ll be attending the Las Vegas Eras tour next week. I am going with a friend who is also part of the dead parent club. Sometimes the club brings you good people and Emily is certainly one of those.

I’ve fully accepted that tears will be shed. There always are at Taylor Swift concerts, are you kidding me? She has written the soundtrack to every single stage of my life!

These tears have more than excitement to them. There’s guilt.

My dad was my best friend. Like I said, we spent literally half of my life bonding and going to shows together. He can’t be here. Why should I be there?

Yeah, I know I need to keep living but he doesn’t get to.

Miss Swift once said, “Band-aids don’t fix bullet holes,” and she’s right! There is no way to cover up and fix what the loss of my dad.

There’s a piece of me that is so grateful that I get to experience another tour and travel to new places while meeting new friends. I guess it hurts that I won’t be able to call him and give him a rundown of what he can expect at the Gillette Stadium shows.

It feels so silly writing it out like this. People are going to think I’m nuts. That’s fine. I hope you never know irreparable pain like this.