Jessica Belmosto

I’ve been trying to write this for two and a half hours. I get a paragraph into it and decide it’s not fair to do this. I don’t know how to properly paint a picture of who he was and what we were. I’m not even sure what I got was the truth. I’m only speaking on behalf of myself. I’m not the spokesperson for the bad relationship community. I’m just here to shed light on manipulation and a certain mindset.

I think we’ve all watched friends or someone we know stay with someone because “He’ll change for me.” or “I can change him.” I was once foolish enough to think I’d never be like those girls. I didn’t know how hard it was break a cycle. I didn’t realize how much strength it takes to walk away from someone you care so deeply about.

If I had a dollar for every empty promise, every time I got stood up, just lied to, I could probably go on a nice spring break trip. I’d heard about gaslighting before but I was unfamiliar with the term. It’s basically a more extreme form of manipulation. It’s suddenly your fault for everything. Oh no, you’re the crazy one for reading into it. It’s something that can break you and leave you questioning your own sanity. I fell for it every single time. Things would start to get good again so I’d go visit him. We’d hang out for a few hours and then I wouldn’t hear from him until he was drunk and needed to see me. That was a common occurrence.

Friends would ask about him. They knew how much I liked him. I put on a fake little smile said things were fine. We weren’t officially dating but he made it clear that we would be someday. My friends could see right through it. They knew he wasn’t going to commit. I refused to believe it. He wouldn’t be telling me to wait for him if it was a lie, right? My friends are angels and call me out when I need to hear it. I eventually learned.

I would make all the effort. He couldn’t do the bare minimum. He worked odd hours and would come home late. I was always awake so I asked him to call me. He agreed to it. Do you know how often I got those calls? Never. We had talked about going to a Sox game together. I had a pair of tickets and extended the invite to him. I got left on “read” and never even got a response.It was all talk. He didn’t give a flying hoot about spending time together.

Now that I’m standing back from it, I know when I should’ve left. There wouldn’t have been any forth, fifth, or six chances. There would’ve been a lot less crying and sleepless nights. My friends wouldn’t have wasted as much breath with advice I was too foolish not to follow. I lost myself in this process. I was healing from another heartbreak and he was my knight in shining armor. It was so nice to hear what he liked about me. He held my hand and it felt like home. I can’t explain it but sleeping next to him made me feel safe. I know I was blind to the warning signs. I lead myself to believe he was going to change. I was just going to have to wait. During that time I was making myself sick. I was emotional. My anxiety did nothing but skyrocket. The wishy washy behavior destroyed what little self esteem I had just gained back. It was hard. This is another thing I have to learn from.

If you found yourself relating to any of this, please take a step back. I won’t tell you how to do this. You aren’t going to change this person , no matter how hard you try. You deserve so much better and you will find it.