Jessica Belmosto

I wrote this over a three day span. There’s a chance it reads like a journal entry. I’m sorry this isn’t my typical blog. I have a few hockey blogs coming up along with some Red Sox posts. Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you needed to hear something like this, this one is for you. 

It’s almost 1:30am on Thursday morning. I have to be up for class in a few short hours but here I am. I turn to writing when my brain doesn’t want to shut off. I’ve done this since I was a kid. It was the one way I could process and cope with whatever was going on. It’s kind of funny how a simple coping skill has turned into a possible career.

I was planning on writing about growth and how heartache changes you. Do we really need another cliche blog? It might come someday, but right now I just want to ramble.

What does holding onto hate accomplish? Do your subtweets and shady IG stories make you feel better? Does it make you think, Ha! That’ll show ’em? It doesn’t do anything. It’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to feel. Sooner or later you have to cut it off.

It’s Saturday. Which means this is the two year anniversary of my life really changing forever. I didn’t know it that day, but I know it now. Trauma is a weird thing. No one handles it the same way. It’s almost like a snowflake, no two cases are identical. It hit me last week that the date was approaching. I told my best friend and she told me she’d be with me. Things changed when my brother called me and told me we were going to ALCS Game 1. I don’t know. I really don’t talk about what happened. It’s not something that’s ever brought up in conversation. To be completely honest, I don’t think I’ve processed the entire situation once. Super therapeutic, I know.

I look back on the twelve months with pride. I started blogging about my favorite teams consistently. Like I mentioned in my last blog, I’ve made some really amazing friends through Twitter. I had my heart broken, went through the roller-coaster process of healing. I started attending college full time and boosted my GPA. Jess and I started a podcast! Did I mentioned, I met Taylor Swift? You know life isn’t all bad.

Healing is weird. In the moment, the open wound feels like it’ll never heal. Everyone’s words and cliches are just rubbing salt in there, making sure it stings. Sometimes the memories are playing on a loop and you’re just trying to run and get shelter. Eventually, the wound does start to heal. It’s certainly not overnight, but it happens. You’ll be able to listen to certain songs again. Maybe even wear that shirt you tucked away for so long. The cliches may actually have some truth to them. The pain, yeah, it doesn’t last forever.