Jessica Belmosto

The fun thing about writing is that you have the freedom to express yourself. For me, it started with journaling. I used to go through a notebook a week. It was my escape from the real world. I remember what my favorite notebook looked like. It was a plastic material. It had a blue binding and a rainbow cover. I always thought it was so pretty. My passion for writing started in that journal. Writing continues to be my escape. When I can’t express myself verbally, I turn my attention to whatever journal is closest to me.

Today’s blog isn’t the origin story of my love for writing. I want to talk about something a little more serious. Mental health. My love for writing started when my depression first developed. I’ve had a lot of practice with how to formulate my words. Sadly, I feel as if I cannot find the right ones when it comes to this topic. There’s a lot to say when it goes into mental health. There are a lot of things that fall under this umbrella.

I never want it to come across like this is a ” me me me” story. It’s not. If anything, I’m sharing my experience in hopes to make people feel less alone. 

To be completely honest, I haven’t been doing well lately. My anxiety has been spiraling out of control. I’m finishing up my associate’s degree. I’m looking to continue my education at a four-year school.  I have to apply to colleges this summer. I have set the bar so high for myself that I will be devastated and CRUSHED if I don’t get accepted to my number one choice. That’s beside the point. I struggle with depression as well. Depression doesn’t look the same for everyone. I think anyone who struggles with depression or any sort of mental illness knows that.

I think the worst part of about all of this is the feeling of hopelessness. I feel completely alone. It feels like trying to keep my head above water while wearing cinderblocks for shoes. I’ve become so comfortable with “handling” this on my own that I don’t think I can properly express myself without feeling guilty. I never want the people in my life to feel bad because of something I’m going through. I don’t think I’ve ever fully expressed myself to anyone in my life. It’s hard to imagine them looking at me the same.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting help. I actually recommend it. In the past, I have found therapy and even medication very helpful. I know it’s hard to take that first step. It’s an important first step to take. There are a lot of resources out there. You might not need one on one therapy. There are a lot of groups out there or even mentors who can help you through what you’re going through.

There’s nothing wrong with not being okay. Your mental illness and struggles DO NOT define who you are. You are your own person. Your mental illness isn’t a reflection of who you are. There’s a lot more to you than those struggles.

Google will be your best friend in finding a therapist or the other resources. It’s very important to surround yourself with people who GENUINELY love and care about you. In order to heal and deal with things, you need to cut off toxic relationships. For me, it’s been friendships. It’s heartbreaking but let me tell you, there’s a sense of freedom and relief. If you’re one for needing closure, write a letter or text to them expressing why you’re doing what you’re doing. Remember, actions speak louder than words.

If you need advice or a place to vent,  my DMs are open. I’m willing to listen and do what I can to help you. I will leave some resources down below as well.