Jessica Belmosto

Middle school was easily the most traumatic time of my life. I was dealing with a pretty crummy home life and school wasn’t much better. I was dealing with a lot of anxiety and depression brought on by abuse and bullying. When I say abuse I don’t just mean physical, there was mental abuse from multiple sources in my life. I wasn’t sure why I was being targeted or what I did to deserve it. All I know is that I eventually believed I what I was being told.

I was a weird kid. I’m talking real weird. In the fifth grade I was the new girl and all I wanted was to make friends. I wasn’t developing like other girls. I felt like a complete idiot. ( Little did I know that I actually had a disease that prevented puberty but… yeah.) I’d report it to the proper authorities just like we were taught. No one believed me. I was told that I was making it up for attention. Yeah because what ten year old wants to spend her entire day sobbing in the guidance office…. I’ll never forget the day this guidance counselor told me I wasn’t going to make it to eight grade. I don’t know if she was going after my lack of motivation to go to school because of the bullies or my mental health. Regardless, she was so far out of line.

I dealt with bullying all through middle school. It was the same stuff every single day. I’d wake up, get on the bus, listen to someone make a comment, go to class, get weird looks and a comment thrown my way before dealing with a rowdy bus ride home. I wish I could tell you how many times I would go down to the principal begging for help. I also wish I could tell you how many times I’d leave crying because I was told it was in my head. The vice principal would sit me down in his office and lead me to believe that I wasn’t going to be anything if I kept going to him. He would show me pictures of his kids and tell me how much he loved that and how he’d do anything to protect him. Well Mr. F, you did a shit job of protecting my mother and father’s kid. Even when I was getting energy drinks thrown at me I would still be convinced it was in my head. Not sure how he lasted as VP for as long as he did but, I’m glad he’s gone now.

If you read “My Reflection Isn’t Me“, you know that I dealt with harassment and abuse from a male family member. Being told that I would get pregnant at fifteen or the only man who would ever love me would have to be blind, deaf and dumb was a GREAT way to start adolescence. I don’t know what his deal was but honestly, it fucked me up.  There was no way for me to love myself when someone who allegedly loved me was forcing that narrative down my throat.

I was convinced I was going to amount to nothing. I was told I was never going to make it out of middle school. I hope those people are kicking themselves now. Sure I’m at a community college, but I’m looking into one of the best schools for journalism. I have a dream that I could potentially make a reality. This isn’t meant to toot my own horn but it’s to show you that no matter how bad things are, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You can overcome your situation if you have a strong attitude and the determination.