Jessica Belmosto

Last night someone I was texting asked me what I’m planning on doing with my life. I answered with the typical hopefully something in sports media answer. The response I received was not one I ever expected.

Listen, I’m fully aware I need to lose weight. I joke about wanting a sideline reporter body all the time. However, receiving this text from “Shawn” was not what I needed to stay motivated. I felt sick to my stomach. I put my dinner and phone down, letting the text sink in. Instantly I became fixated on everything “wrong” with me. My teeth, my nose and of course my figure. Friends reached out and told me not to listen to them and that my passion for writing would outshine any hair color.

I’ve had a warped since of body image since I was in middle school. Because of my Kallman Syndrome, I never developed with any of the girls my age. While they were getting all the attention from the boys, I was praying for boobs. Once I started treatment, things sped up. Granted, I was now seventeen but things were going. I finally looked like other girls! It didn’t take long before things caught up to me. I was never chubby. All of a sudden, I wasn’t skinny anymore. Just when I thought things were looking up, my body said SIKE!

This could’ve been avoided by not going to Buffalo Wild Wings and drinking copious amounts of beer. REGARDLESS, I am who I am. My curl hair was an insecurity so I paid big bucks to have it chemically straightened. My teeth make me cringe whenever I see them so I’m working on getting them fixed. I’m at the gym three times a week now because I want to be healthy. I want to be deemed as attractive. Sadly, you have to be a pretty lady in order to write about sports. I’m going to get this dream no matter what anyone things of me.

It comes back to the whole “the only man who will ever love you will be blind, deaf and dumb. ” narrative that was engrained in me from a young age. Hearing something like that from a girl is less harsh because girls are petty human beings. Coming from a guy who I could’ve potentially gone out with is really disheartening. I don’t know. I’m just tired never being enough for anyone.

It costs $0 to be respectful and kind to someone. It’s also free to keep your negative and destructive comments to yourself. I know it’s hard but I’m sure you’ll live.

While I’m at it, thank you to anyone who tweeted me or DM’d me. I appreciate the love and your kind words certainly outweigh any piece of garbage.